Weird Things that Happen to Me

I have been known to pull off some pretty big stunts, pranks & jokes.  This is all fun in theory, but I think it has created a life of paranoia for me.  I know that several people still owe me.  I think the ultimate get-u-back would be to have Candid Camera or the dreaded (but you have to admit, oh-so-funny) Roy D. Mercer call me.  I live in constant fear and ready to make sure that nobody is going to get me that way.  That doesn't change the fact that weird things seem to happen to me.  You know what I'm talking about... the things that happen, you don't believe it, and you turn around to see who is watching kinda things.  Well here are the top 2 of the week:

Tuesday:  It is 3:45PM, and I still haven't eaten lunch.  I look to see Arby's in front of me so I pull in.  I order a sandwich, Diet Dr. Pepper (one of my loves), and a lemonade (for W as I need to go pick him up from school).  I proceed to the window to pay.  The employee is about 20 years old and a male.  We exchange money, he hands me the sack, the lemonade, and lastly my Diet Dr. Pepper (so I think).  We are all done.  I am excited to finally eat.  He then takes the Diet Dr. Pepper back and says...

"Why do you drink this?"

Me:  Because I love it.

Him:  You know that is gonna kill you someday?

Me:  I laugh.

Him:  NO....I'm serious.  Don't laugh.  Don't you know?

Me:  Yes.  I am not making the best choice.

As he stares at me I begin to count the piercings.  He eyebrow, his nose, his chin and don't forget the huge holes in his ears.  You know, the kind that you can stick pencils through?  I don't even want to know what else has been marked.  Who is he to tell me of dangers to my body?

Him:  Do you know this will kill you?

Me:  YES.

Him:  Why do you drink it?

Me:  Can I just have my drink I paid for now?

Him:  You need to go online, and watch 20/20 or some show like that.  You are gonna get a heart attack real soon and that is going to be it.  All because you had to have this diet stuff.

Me:  I really appreciate all your information today.  It means so much to me that you care.  I would still like my drink.

I then proceeded to drive away.  I think if I would not have grabbed the drink out of his hand he would have poured it out!!!!  Yes, I looked ALL around me.  I still can't believe this happened.

Saturday:  W played soccer in the freezing drizzle in Broken Arrow.  We were done.  It was Chris' birthday the day before.  It has been a long time since he had been shopping and there were several things he needed so we were all 4 headed to the Mall.  A very rare occasion all 4 of us together shopping.  After parking at Macy's, we made a few quick purchases and were heading into Dillards.  C was dragging & whining.  I carried him for a few minutes then we had a talk.  In my heart of hearts I knew it wasn't a good idea to proceed and we should be leaving.  On the other hand, toughen up and lets get your dad some stuff.  We looked minimal minutes in mens clothing, had lots of jokes in the underwear department, and went to shoes.  W looked with dad.  I separated with C to sit at a little farther away to prevent brotherly love.  C would NOT sit down.  I talked with him at eye level.  Nope not gonna do it.  A salesman was on my back and witnessed all my approaches.  When I gave him the evil eye he scowled at me.  I thought please get off my back as I just needed a moment of privacy with my unruly child.  He loudly said, "Can I help you?"  I laughed and said, "Yes, do you want to babysit?"  He then started this bull crapt talk about choices to C.  He showed him all the chairs in the shoe department and told him about each choice he has.  He firmly said, "You make the choice."  There was a few minutes of silence.  Let's see how this works out for him.  At this point I am open to suggestions.  C touched a finger on a chair.  I said please get my husband the shoes.  Our time is limited here.  This was not a good idea and we need to make the best of this.  He then told C he still needed to make a choice.  C continued to touch the chair with his finger.  When the salesperson FINALLY went to get the shoes,  C was looking for his big brother to pick on and went that way.  I know I am the idiot all of Dillards is laughing at by now.  This has all gone on way too long.  I simply get C's hand, walk to the elevator, and bust his butt.  We had a talk and went back to sit like we were suppose to.  Chris finally makes up his mind on some shoes.  He takes the boys and I go to pay....ugh!  Please don't make me have time alone with the child expert!  So the salesperson proceeds to tell me that he teaches 2nd grade and I have one son that is well behaved and the other I need to work on.  He tells me of a book called, "Love and Logic."  He explained that if I would read that all my problems will go away.  I signed, took our shoes, and said Thank You so much for all your expert advice!  YES, I looked around to see who had the camera on.

Soooo just a couple of incidents for a week in the life of Becky Schiller.   It is what it is, and I can only do what I can do.   I am so glad it is Sunday.  I need a new week to begin!